The Happiness Project

Going for Gold in 2012 - Ben Renshaw

2012-01-13T05:12:00.001-08:00

I’ve just returned from six weeks down under in Australia and New Zealand. As my wife Veronica is from Auckland it has become an annual ritual, which I can’t live without! It gives me the time and space to recover from the year that’s been, and to set myself up for the year to come. One of the highlights on this trip was reading Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson – the exclusive biography. A gripping story which I couldn’t put it down (tough when you’ve got 3 kids!) Filled with countless pearls of wisdom, one of the points made which really rung true was the following:

One of Job's great strengths was knowing how to focus. "Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do," he said. "That's true for companies, and it's true for products."

I love this idea of focus as each year I decide on a theme, which becomes my guiding mantra over the days and weeks to come. 2011 was about freedom as I set out on my own personal inquiry to deepen my understanding and experience of such an illusive quest. I have decided that 2012 is all about enjoyment. In the year of our London Olympics I am going to challenge myself to make this year my best year yet and to enjoy everything I do, all of the time - a big stretch.

To kick-start this focus on 10th February I’m running Your Personal Best 2012 with my great friends Robert Holden and Avril Carson. It’s our annual start-the-year event and will be filled with rich and creative conversations to help you go for gold in your work, life and relationships. Love to see you there. Ben

Real Leadership by Ben Renshaw

2011-08-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

“Leadership is not a job; it’s a wiliness to be more of who you already are.” Ben Renshaw

What’s your leadership philosophy? Do you think leadership is simply a job grade, role, or title? I find it fascinating that most people I coach in leadership positions have not stopped long enough to work out what real leadership is. Having now run leadership development programmes intensively over the last few years I have arrived at 5 key principles, which I believe are at the heart of real leadership:

1. Having a clear identity.

2. Defining an inspiring vision.

3. Building authentic relationships.

4. Creating great performance.

5. Discovering true meaning.

I recently put this into practice as a result of working with a great person who has just stepped into a dream role. They had a reputation for being a brilliant thinker, however would leave most people feeling incompetent and anxious as a result of their investigative style of working. Our initial coaching was designed to help them think about who they really are, as ‘the only way you can really lead is to be real.’ They then defined an inspirational vision, which helped them to go beyond simply ticking off their ‘to-do’ list. This has allowed them to develop far more genuine relationships, and I know in time will create better performance in their team. The icing on the cake has been their willingness to recognise that life is too short just to have a job. They now get that ‘real leadership is knowing in every moment you can make a real difference.’

Real Leadership Workshop with Ben Renshaw

October 14, 2011

CLICK HERE TO BOOK

Email: info@successintelligence.com

Loveability - 3-Day Workshop by Lizzie Prior - my Experience.

2011-07-25T02:23:00.000-07:00

I am privileged to be a member of the Happiness Project team - this means that I get to play my part in support of Robert Holden realising his vision for the public events that he presents. My main job is organising all the materials that we use on the events and a lovely part of my role in this team is that I get a sneaky peak of what we are going to be doing on the workshops as I design and prepare what we’ll all need to do the exercises.

On the 8/9/10 July 2011, we spent 3 days in a beautiful conversation about LOVE in the form of Robert's most recent creation: Loveability - How to Love and Be Loved. I can’t think of anything more interesting to spend 3 days doing and knowing the brilliance of every other event Robert has ever done, I knew we were in for a treat.

I am always deeply touched by our Happiness Team and how we gently support Robert and the group of delegates who have chosen to be with us on our events. We have done many events now and we have developed a seamless way of solving problems, being prepared, responding and working together to create truly loving environments on each of our programs. I am hugely grateful to be part of this team and to be meeting such lovely people who attend our courses.

One of my favourite exercises on the workshop was a repeating question – where you are invited to answer a question over and over again to inquire more deeply into your experience. The question we had to ask was: How do you know when you love someone ?

The answers started coming very easily to me, and as we were asking again and again, I discovered that it’s a two way thing. When I described the feeling of loving someone, referencing the people I am already in relationship with, I then identified what it means to be a loving person to everyone else in the world. For example, I said ‘I know I love someone when I look at them and don’t feel like I want to change them’. This had me see, at the end of the exercise, with a full list of how I know when I love someone, that I had come up with a recipe for being a loving person and one part of this recipe is that I can look at everyone in this world and the most loving thing I could do would be to accept everyone just as they are.

The freedom this brings to me when I am relaxed and gentle enough to allow it to land is wonderful!

The next Loveability 3-Day workshop with Robert is on 2/3/4 December this year. Click Here for more details.

Authentic Relationships by Ben Renshaw.

2011-07-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting here in Sydney, overlooking the Harbour Bridge in glorious sunshine in-between visits to Singapore and Hong Kong running leadership programs for InterContinental Hotels. It’s rare for me to have a bit of time and space, as normally a Sunday morning is filled with my 3 gorgeous kiddies demanding pancakes and play. As I take a moment to reflect upon what has led me to this point in my life there is no doubt that the most significant factor has been relationships. My marriage to Veronica. My partnership with Robert Holden and The Happiness Project team. My family and friends. My clients. It’s simple really: great relationships = a great life. However, simple does not mean easy.

If I stripped away all the complexity surrounding relationships and distilled it down to the essence I would say, our ability to be ourselves in relationships is the single most important factor to develop great relationships. Authenticity gives our relationships the best chance to grow, strengthen and flourish.

In my forthcoming workshop on Authentic Relationships we’ll be taking a deep dive on some of the key elements of relationship success including gaining clarity about the real function of relationships, understanding the key barriers to growing relationships and tapping into the truth about relationship possibilities. In the meantime ask yourself, ‘What are the benefits of letting my relationships be even more authentic?’

Coaching Happiness - Is it Possible? by Ian Lynch

2011-04-26T08:07:00.000-07:00

One of the hottest topics to hit the news in recent weeks has been on the subject
of making Happiness part of how we define the success of our nation. This is
no small thing.

Until recently, happiness was often treated as a touchy-feely subject by the media
and the government, fun for a newspaper or TV story, but no more than a filler item.
Against such a back-drop, The Happiness Project championed the need to have conversations
about happiness, for individuals, for relationships, and for true work and life success.

As part of the Happiness Project, Dr Robert Holden created an 8-week program to teach people to become happier. In 1996 the BBC aired the QED documentary "How to Be Happy" which charted the progress of several of the program's delegates. Seen by millions, this successful documentary was also part of a live Oprah Television Show in 2007 with Robert as the main feature.

In 2011 the work of The Happiness Project continues to shape thinking on how we can all help each other to be happier, and to create real meaning and success in our lives. Together with Success Intelligence, The Happiness Project has inspired countless thousands of people in learning tools and exercises to help them create happier and more meaningful ways of living and working.

Is it possible to become happier? Thankfully, yes it is. Is it possible to coach each other on how to become happier? Yes it is!

The Happiness Project has recently completed a one week course on coaching people
who wish to help themselves and others to be happier. The outcome? A stunning success. Based on 17 years of running a program famously tested by independent scientists and,
hailed as a 'genuine fast-track to happiness', the course gave 60 people the space, the opportunity and the exercises, to get clear on what happiness is for them, what supports it, what nurtures it and what sustains it.

Such is the success of this program, it is now going to be run for the very first time outside of the UK in New York this November, in conjunction with Hay House (Robert's publisher). Is this program for everyone? I would say it is for those who wish to experience a deeper, lasting joy and, to be able to share it with others.

What would you gain from joining this program? Well here are a couple of reflections
Kay Cook - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Louise Magee - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Emma Cousens - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com
Annie Blampied - Coaching Happiness Testimonial at www.YouTube.com

As cynical as we may be at first, times are definitely changing, and the first fledgling steps
are being taken by both Action for Happiness and the UK Government in conjunction with The Office for National Statistics, to make happiness a metric and a compass for our society. In addition, there is a London Conference on How to be Happy, on Saturday May 7th, where Robert will be the keynote speaker. Happiness is now here at last!

Ultimately, your own happiness is your gift to the world, and in sharing your happiness with others, you help to bring joy, peace, fun and love to the world and thus, truly make a difference.

May you be happy.

No Complaints by Ben Renshaw

2011-02-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

How much time do you spend in the complaints department of your life? I started this year with a personal assignment – no complaints in 2011. Now I’m not going to start complaining about how tough this challenge is for myself, however I am going to share three ways to support the journey if you so wish to join me.

The idea of no complaints occurred a couple of years when I was attending an Enneagram retreat in America with our much loved teachers Don Riso and Russ Hudson, www.enneagraminstitute.com. I was there in the company of my great friends Robert Holden and Avril Carson. At one point in the programme I was sharing some of my dilemmas with the group when Don challenged me to reflect upon the truth of my life. He asked me to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following type of questions, ‘Do I have a family who love me?’ ‘Do I do work I love?’ ‘Do I work with a team I love?’ ‘Do I enjoy good health?’ The questions continued. Unfortunately the only answer I could give to every question was a wholehearted ‘YES’. This did not bear well for my addiction to complaining. Back at that point Don gave me the assignment to stop complaining for 30 days. I can’t remember exactly how long I lasted but it was not an inspiring performance.

Coming into 2011 I conducted a health-check of my life. I have an amazing family with 3 gorgeous kids. I am blessed with the work I do in the world. I spend time with a great team at The Happiness Project. I realised I have nothing ‘real’ to complain about. However, I still found the temptation to moan strong. It was time to recommit to no complaints. Thankfully I’ve got friends who really want to help me with this assignment so it came as a welcome gift when Robert presented me with a book entitled ‘A Complaint Free World’, with an accompanying purple bracelet to wear. The goal is to go for 21 days without making any internal, or external complaints! If you do catch yourself complaining you’ve got to switch wrists with the bracelet. I have yet to spend an entire day with the bracelet on one wrist, however I am determined that by the end of 2011 it will be living happily on my right arm.

The experience of no complaints is one of the most powerful assignments I have ever undertaken. It feels like I am living in a permanent state of heightened awareness. I recognise that almost every thought I have has the potential to be a complaint. Here is an opportunity to really clean up my act and start a new level of gratitude for the world.

If the idea of stopping complaining resonates with you I suggest the following 3 ideas to support you along the way:

1. Tell your partner, a friend or team member. It’s too hard to do it on your own. Make sure at least one trusted person is in the know so that they can help keep you on track.
2. Wear a complaint free world bracelet. Go visit www.acomplaintfreeworld.org. However, be aware that it takes 7-14 days to arrive. When one of my friends went to order one she complained that it took too long to arrive, which was not a great start!
3. Write down one gratitude a day. Gratitude is the perfect antidote to complaining plus there is more and more research that shows gratitude is a shortcut to happiness www.actionforhappiness.com

Let me know how it goes! Ben

Valentine's Day: Loving Everyone

2011-02-13T12:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine’s Day to you. Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is the day we show our love to one special person in our life. This is a lovely thing to do. That said, I feel that Valentine’s Day would be even lovelier if we made it a day to show our love to everyone in our life. Everyone must also include our self too. Maybe we could start a new tradition. Starting from today. Below is a short poem called “Loving Everyone.”

If you want to find someone
to love,
I recommend you start
loving everyone
immediately.

Love will find you if you are
being the love
that
you
are.

If you want to learn how
to love someone
with all your
heart,
I advise you to fall in love
with everyone
a little bit
more.

Loving everyone is the key
to loving
someone.

And if you want someone
to love you
more,
I urge you to get on with it,
and to start
loving yourself.

Someone has to do it.
It may as well be you.
Show us how it is done.
So that you make it easy
for us to love
you too.

The Drama of Authenticity

2011-01-31T08:29:00.000-08:00

“When do I feel most authentic?” This is the question I have been asking myself over the last week, in preparation for a workshop I am presenting tomorrow (Feb 1st, in Central London) with Ben Renshaw and Avril Carson called Authentic Success. Each day, for the last seven days, I have set aside 15 minutes to stop, be still, and sit with the question, “When do I feel most authentic?” Each time, I found the first five minutes or so to be very difficult: my mind would go blank, my heart wouldn’t register any feelings, and my body would get fidgety. I noticed I’d try to convince myself to cut short the fifteen minutes. Maybe I could read some inspirational quotations on authenticity instead. Someone else can do this for me.

Authenticity feels so natural, so why isn’t it easy? As I continued to sit with my inquiry, I gradually made contact with myself. It’s like I’d been away from myself, but I didn’t know it, not until just now: caught up in the habits of my personality; thinking thoughts all day long; busily trying to be someone; and putting on a face for all the other faces out there. Who is the real me? Not the personality that is manufactured in the world. The real me. Not the empty self that always wants something. The real me. Not a tinned version of a soul. The real me.

I kept sitting. I did not leave myself. I wanted to know my real thoughts. I wanted to feel my heart. I wanted to breathe more deeply again. My inquiry into “When do I feel most authentic?” felt frustrating and delightful; mysterious and illuminating; healing and joyful. I have long believed that being authentic is the key to success, happiness, love and all good things; but I have also experienced the fear of authenticity and so on. Such is the drama of authenticity. Such Is our daily challenge; and our daily choice. Success is recognizing who you really are; and happiness is letting yourself be you.

I hand the inquiry over to you now. When do you feel most authentic? Don’t let anyone else do your homework for you. Take fifteen minutes to stop, be still, and make contact with yourself.

Arise and Shine by Ian Lynch

2010-08-07T04:34:00.000-07:00

Its another day, the light has come, the birds have sung, and the alarm clock has chimed. In this twilight moment, how do you respond? Is it a snooze button press, an extra duvet dive or a yippee, bounce out of bed hurrah?! Personally, it varies for me, depending on the demands of the day to come or perhaps the excesses of the night before. What I do know, is that how I spend that first half an hour of the waking day will have an extraordinary effect on the way my day unfolds.

In this first opening phase, I am still present to my waking dreams, which often carry messages for me of hidden concerns and blockers in my life, as well as the seeds for solutions to them and new opportunities for me as a result. When I can, this is priceless time to write down my thoughts, echoing the 'Morning Pages' prescribed by the Creative Artist author, Julia Cameron . Here, over time, lies some of the key issues and desires to help live a greater life. There are pearls of wisdom, patterns of behavior, fears and doubts, and beautiful ideas all pouring out onto the page.

Doing this immediately is not always easy, and two cats jumping on the bed and howling for their breakfast, often make for a sensible compromise of cat food, bathroom, cup of tea and back to bed to sit up and write. In doing so, I feel that the night can be put to bed, so to speak, and that I start to feel excitement and meaning for this day ahead coursing through me. I am energized, though still a little tired.

Next up, the shower awaits. It is a ritual for me, and a way of really getting going. In this wonderful space lies the opportunity to be bathed in hot streams of powerfully jetted water that awakens my skin, and also my mind. It is time to be refreshed and inspired for the day. What is so interesting, is that that shower is often a moment to think about how I will be during the day.

It is uncanny, but if I am feeling tired and not on my best form, I can influence this simply by deciding from 1 to 10, how happy I choose to be today. This simple question makes me smile, for even on a day when I feel fit and energized, I notice that I don't choose higher than a 9, usually going for either a 7, 8 or 9! I guess I am still holding back something. However, if I had simply rushed into the day, which I have done many many times, my day would most likely have turned out to be a 5 or 6. By choosing a 9, I watch myself being kinder, lighter, less judgmental, more open, and much more likely to be present, than I would have been otherwise. My day is by virtue of this choice, a richer and happier experience. Why not try it yourself, just for today?

By coincidence, if there is such a thing, I had fun talking with Roger Crabb of the shower manufacturer Mira Showers, about some recent research his firm had conducted on how showering can effect our mood, and also gives us some of our best thoughts and ideas. It is sometimes surprising when talking with CEO's, that the boardroom does not always score so highly as the place for grand thinking and vision! Together, Roger and I got to discuss this fact, and I shared with him 5 simple tips from our work at The Happiness Project, that help bring more happiness to the day. A happy life is born from living each day well, and to help anyone be even happier, our annual Be Happy program, run once a year in London (the next one starting in October), is a fast-track to a happier life. After all, it is what we all want, to be happy.

And just for fun, the next time you take a shower, whether first thing in the morning to awaken or in the evening as a de-stressor and relaxant before bedtime, do so with consciousness. Just how happy do you wish to be today or tomorrow, from 1 to 10?
How will you interact with other people to be at this level of happiness?
What would it be like to be one point higher, just for fun and personal research?

As Robert has often said, 'today will never happen again', so what is there to lose?!

Daily Express: Discover Your Joyful Side

2010-01-28T08:21:00.001-08:00

The DAILY EXPRESS published an article today, “10 Steps to Happiness”, that outlines my (Robert Holden) ten tips for facing Blue Monday, the economic recession, and for rediscovering your joyful side. Here is the article in full. Enjoy.

UNTIL recently psychologists dismissed happiness as a “pleasurable emotion with no evolutionary value”. The theory was happiness feels good but it isn’t useful. However research reveals happiness has a powerful effect on the brain that helps you to think broadly, to come up with creative solutions and makes you generally more resilient.

In short happiness helps you to bring out the best in yourself. Follow my tips below to rediscover your joyful side.

1 The big rethink
Real, enduring happiness cannot be bought. Research confirms that money is important for basic needs like food, rent and clothes. However the link between higher income and increased happiness has been described in one study as “surprisingly weak” and “virtually negligible”. In fact a third of all millionaires are less happy than the national average.

2 Have a reality check
Work out what is truly important to you. Research shows people with consistently high happiness scores prioritise their life according to the things they value. They’ve worked out what is most important to them and don’t allow themselves to get sidetracked.

3 Do you need more?
In recent decades our purchasing power has more than doubled which means we can afford to buy more stuff than ever and yet more stuff hasn’t made us happier. To be happy you have to know what you really want. After all, you can never have enough of what you didn’t want in the first place. True happiness isn’t a thing or a commodity, it’s something you cultivate and share.

4 Discover life’s riches
Money is important but it is not everything. Make a list of everything in your life that is more precious to you than money. Think also about everything you already have that money can’t buy. Obvious examples are family, friends, health, laughter, creative hobbies, your imagination and spirituality.

5 Be positive
Research shows that life circumstances influence your happiness by only 10 per cent in the long-term. Obviously life events have a short-term effect. A loss of job or divorce can be devastating. Winning the lottery or falling in love can be wonderful at least initially but the key to being happy in the long‑term is not circumstances but attitude. Set an intention to enjoy today 10 per cent more than yesterday. Back up your intention with three specific actions like calling a friend, smiling more and doing something you love.

6 Treasure relationships
Investing time, energy and attention in your most important relationships will increase your happiness. A recent study confirms that having rich and satisfying social relationships is the key difference between people who are quite happy and those who are very happy.

7 Make time for fun
Most of us are so preoccupied with life’s chores that we can sometimes forget to enjoy ourselves. Make a commitment to having fun. See your best friends and make time for your hobbies and passions.

8 Count your blessings
Keep a gratitude journal. Write down at least three things a day you are either thankful for, made you smile or genuinely inspired you.

9 Have faith
People who have a strong spiritual faith report greater than average happiness. Research shows practices like meditation, prayer, yoga and tai chi can help you to de-stress and feel more balanced. Most importantly, a spiritual faith encourages us to look past our individual egos.

10 Look after yourself
To be happy you must never compromise on your health. Getting enough exercise and sleep and eating a healthy diet will improve your mood and energy levels.

To order Be Happy by Robert Holden (Hay House, £9.99) with free UK delivery, call 0871 988 8367 (10p/minute from BT landlines) with your card details or send a cheque payable to Express Newspapers to: The Express Bookshop, PO Box 200, Falmouth TR11 4WJ or order via expressbookshop.com

365 Gratitudes

2010-01-01T01:11:00.001-08:00

On January 1st 2009 I made my first entry in a journal called 365 Gratitudes. One of my new year’s resolutions to myself was to make a daily entry of “one-gratitude-per-day” for a calendar year. Why? Because I wanted to experience the power of gratitude and how it might affect my life, my relationships, and my ideas about happiness, success, and abundance. Just now, with a few hours to go before mid-night on December 31st, I made my final entry for the year.

365 Gratitudes, as I like to call it, has been a challenging and enlightening experiment. The challenging bit was maintaining the discipline of setting aside 10 minutes a day to record my daily entry. Finding 10 minutes out of every 1440 minutes sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? I did okay for the most part, but sometimes I would slip, and suddenly I was having to think back over four or five days. What happened? Where had I been? How could I not find 10 minutes to stop and be grateful?!

I have engaged in many gratitude-related exercises over the years, and enjoyed them all for the most part, but none have been as confronting and beneficial as this one. I would recommend wholeheartedly that you try this experiment for yourself. 365 Gratitudes has given me a deeper appreciation for the power of gratitude. I have learned that gratitude is much more than just a positive attitude or a nice idea; it is a spiritual practice that can transform your perception of who you are and how you experience the world. Gratitude teaches you how to live.

Here are ten lessons I’ve learned about the power of gratitude having done my 365 Gratitudes.

Gratitude is a spiritual compass: Practising gratitude daily helps you to stay on course with your life-journey and with the essence of who you are.

Gratitude is a training in vision: Being willing to see each and every situation and encounter through the eyes of gratitude helps you to see possibilities that you would otherwise be blind to.

Gratitude helps you to connect: Gratitude creates a deeper intimacy and oneness with life. It’s impossible to feel truly grateful and lonely at the same time.

Gratitude is from the heart: When you remember to be grateful, you also remember to live from your heart. Gratitude helps you to love your life more, and also to be a more loving person.

Gratitude is a healer: Being willing to be grateful for everything helps you to handle everything better. Gratitude is a willingness to see the gift in everything, eventually.

Gratitude teaches you what is real: The more you practice gratitude, the clearer you become about the truth of your life, and what is truly sacred to you.

Gratitude helps you to feel safe: Gratitude gives you a basic trust that you really do live in a friendly universe. Gratitude gives you faith that every life-event, no matter what it looks like, is ultimately for your highest purpose.

Gratitude is a key to happiness: Gratitude shows you that the grass beneath your feet is greener than you think. Gratitude teaches you that happiness is always now.

Gratitude is a NOW thing: Gratitude helps you to enjoy your life as it happens. Gratitude has a spirit of immediacy that forces you to make contact with what is, right now, right here.

Gratitude helps you to be present: The more you practice gratitude, the more alive you feel. Less often do you get lost in modes of “doing” and “going,” and “chasing” and “waiting.” Gratitude helps you to be in your life.

Find True Happiness: Interview for Oprah.com

2009-11-16T03:44:00.000-08:00

On Friday this week I will wrap up another Be Happy 8-week happiness course, held in London, UK. The end of the program always feels bittersweet to me. I am already grieving and I am so grateful for the journey we have been on. And it’s not over yet!

For the last eight weeks a group of fifty people have participated in a deep inquiry into life’s #1 goal: happiness. The theme for this year has been, giving up the search for happiness. In particular, we have explored the difference between “searching for happiness” and “following your joy.” The “searching” paradigm takes you outside of yourself and focuses forever on the future; the “following” paradigm helps you to meet yourself and to live more fully in the present tense.

Over eight weeks we have worked our way through a series of workshops, home study modules, daily e-mails, and have also participated on an online discussion board. We have explored the #1 Happiness Principle, The Self-Acceptance Formula, Healing Unhappiness, The Happiness Scale, 100 Gratitudes, the Receiving Meditation, the Forgiveness Principle, our Family Story about happiness, and much more. It has been a rich inquiry, and I am grateful to everyone who has participated.

Stephanie Mitchell for Oprah.com interviewed me recently about the Be Happy 8-week program. Her article is entitled Find True Happiness. In the interview Stephanie outlines ten ways to be a finder, not a searcher. She captures the spirit of my work very well.

The next Be Happy 8-week course will be held in London, in October-November 2010. You can book your place now.

In Search of Optimism by Ben Renshaw, 2nd November, 2009

2009-11-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

The Happiness Project receives countless invitations from the press to contribute to features on happiness, relationships and success. However, the call we got from Helen at the Evening Standard was a particularly challenging request: coach a cynical journalist to become optimistic in 7 days. Enjoying a challenge I agreed to meet and get to work. Our first conversation was held at Helen’s impressive home in the heart of Notting Hill. It was a good reminder that material possessions don’t necessarily translate to a sunny disposition. We sat down to a delicious dinner and were joined by her teenage son who was on the verge of going back to boarding school following the summer holidays.

The initial conversation revolved around her son and the difficulties of succeeding in an academic environment when your natural strengths lie in having a more creative and intuitive outlook. In particular we focused on the potential impact of needing to achieve a grade in one subject that could determine future university possibilities. He was initially putting most of his eggs in one basket and was experiencing anxiety about not getting the required grade. We explored how different mindsets could affect his behaviour, and eventually he was able to recognise that by taking a broader approach and keeping his options open it would enable him to perform better. I shared with him the idea that, ‘Optimism is not positive thinking, it is the willingness to explore new ways of looking at things to arrive at a creative solution.’

He then headed off to complete his homework and our conversation then touched on a variety of daily challenges for Helen including how to complete deadlines for work, manage difficult relationships with editors, have the courage to only take on work that truly inspires and handle the feelings of having both her sons return back to boarding school. Helen described herself as a pessimist and initially rallied against the idea of applying optimism to these difficulties. Upon further exploration we got down to the heart of the resistance, which was a misunderstanding about what is optimism.

It is very common for people to think that optimism is simply ‘positive thinking’. However, as Tal Ben-Shar a professor who teaches the very popular positive psychology course at Harvard University says, “Optimalists are not those who believe everything happens for the best, but those who make the best of everything that happens.”

I set Helen some simple tasks to complete the following week:

1. Each day ask the question, ‘What is success today?’ This is the question at the heart of our sister project, Success Intelligence and lends itself to the profound inquiry of defining success in your life, work and relationships.

2. Keep a ‘gratitude diary’. This exercise is at the centre of the Happiness Project and encourages us to start truly appreciating the gift of being alive.

3. Commit to self-acceptance. This exercise can be the most challenging. The majority of us are experts at putting ourselves down and judging ourselves harshly. Self-acceptance is the art of extending compassion and non-judgment to ourselves so that we are able to manage situations in a more constructive way.

4. Observe your thoughts. We use an analogy at the Happiness Project that thoughts are like buses. Just because a bus passes by it doesn’t mean you have to get on it. Psychologists estimate that we think approx. 40,000 thoughts a day. Just because we are having a thought doesn’t mean we have to act on it, or believe it.

I must say I was surprised when Helen’s article hit the press to discover that there appeared to be a profound shift in her outlook. As she put it, “Perhaps the greatest insight I gained was that thoughts, no matter how terrifying, are just thoughts.”

To read the article in full visit
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23746824-the-new-optimism-how-you-can-be-happy.do

Ending the Search for Happiness

2009-10-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

Today is the start of a new eight-week happiness course, called Be Happy. Over the next two months, a group of approximately fifty people will gather in Central London to participate in a journey that will explore one of life’s most cherished and elusive goals - happiness. This year, one of the major themes we will investigate is, giving up the search for happiness.

I wonder, has it ever occurred to you that the search for happiness can be a major block to happiness? In the beginning, the search for happiness seems honest enough. However, I would ask you, how long do you really need to search for? One week? One month? One more year? One more workshop? My first spiritual mentor, an Indian yogi and philosopher, insisted that the search for happiness can be over in the blink of an eye, if, that is, you accept you are what we seek.

How exactly might the search for happiness be a block to happiness? Here are five insights for you to consider.

1. Outside You: The search for happiness arises from the erroneous belief that happiness is outside you. This displacement takes happiness away from its proper place, just as the search for happiness also takes you away from yourself. Happiness is not outside you. Until you accept that happiness is your true nature you will keep searching for happiness in all the wrong places.

2. Not Here: The search for happiness conditions you to think that happiness is somewhere else other than where you are right now. Mistakenly, you believe that happiness is a destination, and a place to get to. This causes you to race through your life so as to get to happiness. In an effort to get to some sacred place you overlook the beautiful ordinary, and you fail to see what is here already. Your searching is a form of blindness.

3. Not Now: The search for happiness implies that happiness is in the future, and not now. Mistakenly, you put all of your efforts into a happy future that is apparently on its way. Meanwhile, you live in the not-now. You use all of your “nows” as stepping stones to get you to the next moment, and the next. You have no time to be happy, right now. You hope to be happy soon, but your future ends up being the same as what you are doing now.

4. To Objectify: If you believe that happiness is outside of you, you can’t help but objectify happiness. This means you end up defining happiness as an “it” or a “thing” that exists in other places and in other people. This objectification encourages you to go shopping for happiness. Instead of being happy, you try to have happiness by attracting it, catching it, buying it, and keeping it. True happiness is not another coffee machine!

5. To Find: The search for happiness can be never-ending because searching is not the same as finding. At some point on your life-journey, you have to be willing to stop being a searcher, and be a finder. For example, instead of searching for love, find out how loving you can be. And, instead of searching for your purpose, choose one. And, instead of seeking after happiness, find within yourself a willingness and openness to be happy now, and to share your happiness with the world.

Ironically, it’s only when you give up the search for happiness that you actually find happiness. So, just for today, try this simple experiment. Make it your intention to find happiness today. Stop and recognize your true nature. Appreciate where you are right here. Enjoy this moment right now. Choose to be instead of to have. And be willing to see that happiness cannot be found in the world until you are willing to share it first.

Oprah.com: 10 Keys to Finding Happiness

2009-09-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Today is the official UK launch date of Be Happy. It’s published by Hay House UK, and Jo Burgess in publicity is keeping me very busy doing articles and interviews for radio, press, TV, and online. As a result we are busy updating the Media Appearances section at www.robertholden.org and www.behappy.net. Do check it out.

Today, Oprah.Com has published an article of mine called 10 Ways to Finding Happiness. If you want to read more, click here. To wet your appetite here are my first three suggestions:

Define Happiness

What is your definition of a happy life? Are you living it? Think carefully on this because your definition of happiness will influence every other significant decision in your life. For example, if you think happiness is outside you, you will make happiness into a search, a catch, or a reward that you must earn. If, however, you know happiness is inside you then happiness becomes a compass, a teacher, and an enabler that helps you to live your best life.

Accept Yourself

Without self-acceptance, you will limit and block how much happiness, prosperity, love, and success you will enjoy. The miracle of self-acceptance is that if you are willing to accept happiness already exists in you, you will begin to experience more happiness around you. The law of acceptance is what activates the law of attraction. Being willing to accept yourself is the first step to bringing out the best in yourself.

Follow Your Joy

There is a world of difference between searching for happiness and following your joy. Following your joy is about listening to your heart’s desires, noticing what truly inspires you, and recognizing your soul’s purpose. A good starting point is to reflect on the question “When am I at my happiest?” People who follow their joy discover a depth of talent and creativity that inspires us all.

Real Happiness: What is the Real More you Want?

2009-08-25T05:50:00.001-07:00

Anna Pasternak (pictured left), author and journalist, attended the recent Real More workshop held over two days in central London. She has written a personal account of her experience that was published in the Daily Mail on August 24th. Her article is entitled “More Please: More money, more security, more certainty... would it really make us any happier?” Anna’s trademark style is hugely personal, insightful, and witty. Whatever she writes about she always gets to the heart of the matter. Her article is a great read.

Have you heard of the term “static happiness?” Ever since happiness researchers have measured happiness and well-being levels they have noticed an interesting phenomenon that is, in spite of the fact that we have more of everything we say we want we are not any happier. For example, in the US, when people were asked in 1940 to score their happiness, the average answer was 7.5 out of 10. Most recently, the average answer is 7.2 out of 10. There are similar scores for the UK, Japan, Australia and other countries.

Try this exercise: take a moment to score how happy you were, on average, from 0 to 10, when you were 7 years old. For example, 7.5 out of 10. Next, score how happy you were when you were 16 years old, 21 years old, 5 years ago, last year, and today. What do your scores tell you about your relationship to happiness? Are you happier today than before? Are you suffering from “static happiness?” And what about the future? How happy do you think you will be in one year’s time? And in five year’s time?

What is the real more that would help you to be happier - starting from now? Think not just about “getting” and “having” and “attracting” and “receiving”; but also about “being” and “giving” and “noticing” and “appreciating.” Give this important question some of your best attention. You have the answer within you right now. As Anna Pasternak highlights in her article: the key to happiness isn’t more stuff; it’s more clarity.

The Real More workshop received rave reviews, and we will definitely be running it again next year. Dates will be announced soon.

The Real More: "The Start of Something Wonderful"

2009-07-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

This morning I begin a two-day workshop in London called The Real More. This workshop is billed as “A Series of Meditations on More.” It is an invitation to reflect on what is the real more that we most want in our lives. More specifically, what is the real more we want to be, to know, to experience, to give, and to receive. The first principle we will explore is, when you know what you really want, you stop wanting more of everything else.

I am joined on The Real More workshop by my friends Avril Carson, Ian Lynch, Lizzie Prior, Bron Wilton, Candy Constable, Charlie Shand, and Robert Norton - each of who will help to create an event that is rich in poetry, meditations, music, inquiry, conversations, and exercises. I have a strong sense that this weekend will be the start of something wonderful - opening us all up to new levels of prosperity and joy. The Real More will begin with the following poem, which I wrote especially for this event, entitled “The Start of Something Wonderful.”

It's time to do
nothing.

Start doing
nothing immediately.

Make doing
nothing your work
today.

Do nothing,
and do not even make
it a technique.

This doing nothing is
a divine opportunity.

It interrupts the past.
It changes the future.
And your soul is ready
to act now.

Doing nothing,
in its purest form,
is receptivity.

Your non-action draws to
you extra
possibility.

Doing nothing is the start
of something
wonderful.

It is what an orchestra does
to sound the first note
of a symphony.

It is what each of us must do
if we are let the divine
act through us.

Doing nothing
is holy work.

Out of the nothingness,
a new adventure
begins.

Starting
from
now.

Poem: "Prizes of NOW"

2009-07-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

Hello Monday morning!
It's the start of the week. Just another week, or, maybe a brand new week. Our choice, I imagine. Monday mornings are the perfect time to think again about what is success and what is happiness. Ten minutes is enough to clear the mind, to listen to your heart, and to align yourself with what is truly important. But I urge you to do it before the busyness kicks in and before the daily rush takes you away from yourself. Do it now. To support you in your meditation here is a poem I wrote called "Prizes of NOW."

This constant busyness is not really
my life.

The urge to keep moving forward
is not it either.

The daily schedule is mostly a
distraction, truth be told.

If I was to stop, I mean really stop,
I fear I might lose my way. But I
am already lost.

If I was to stop, I mean totally stop,
I fear I might fall apart. But my
life is already in pieces.

If I was stop, stop, stop,
I fear I might die.
And yet, because I will not stop,
I fear I am not really alive.

It’s in the spaces that exist in the
chains of busyness, that
I find myself again.

It’s when I stand still, even for just
a moment, that I win the
prizes of now.

It’s when I am willing not to be too
busy that I really start
to live.

Hay House Radio broadcasts my talk at the Toussaint Academy in San Diego

2009-06-11T05:59:00.001-07:00

I am delighted to say that Hay House Radio are broadcasting the talk I gave recently in San Diego to the young people at the Toussaint Academy. This talk was part of the "Authors in Action" initiative started by Melanie Lococo, the Director of Giving, at Hay House.

It was such a highlight and an honour for me to give this talk at the Toussaint Academy.

Click here to listen to the broadcast, and find out how to get the show "On Demand" after it's original air time. There is also a link on this page to the transcript of an interview I gave during my time in San Diego for the I Can Do It! conference.

P.S. Imagine this: one day every organization in the world will have a Director of Giving!

Celebrate Your LIfe: I Choose Love

2009-06-07T05:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am giving the closing keynote at the Celebrate Your Life conference in Chicago. My keynote will feature a guest appearance by the outstanding musician and songwriter, Shawn Gallaway.

I first came across Shawn’s music about 8 week ago. I was sent a copy of his video for his song “I Choose Love.” I liked it so much I immediately bought his album on ITunes. The song “I Choose Love” is so beautiful, I found myself playing it over and over. In fact, one day I put it on my Ipod, hit “Repeat,” and went running to the song for about an hour around Central Park, New York. I also started listening to the song as part of my preparation for delivering my keynote talks and workshops.

Two weeks after first hearing “I Choose Love,” I travelled to San Diego to participate in the I CAN DO IT Conference. Who should I meet there? Shawn Gallaway! There he was, just sitting in the crowd. I recognized him immediately. We have been in conversation ever since. AND, today, Shawn Gallaway will be singing “I Choose Love” as part of my keynote for “Celebrate Your Life.” Do you believe in synchronicity, or is it all random for you?!

Do check out Shawn Gallaway’s website. His mission is empowering people to create a reality based on love not fear.He is a multi-talented artist, a genuinely good fellow, and his star is rising. Please watch his fantastic video to “I Choose Love.” It is a blessing.

Ending the Search for Happiness

2009-06-06T03:49:00.001-07:00

Today I am doing a 1-day workshop on Be Happy at the NY Open Center down at Spring Street. It is an honour to be teaching at a place that has offered such consistent, visionary service to so many people over the years.

One of the goals of my work with The Happiness Project is to help people end the search for happiness and be happy now. The whole point of focusing on “happiness now” is to be able to stop searching and to start seeing. I believe that the purpose of our life is not to search for happiness; it is to follow our joy. Today, we will be exploring this idea in depth. In light of this, I offer you a poem entitled “In Search of happiness.”

In search of happiness,
I abandon myself.
The searching is a blindness.
I cannot see.

But I do not realize that
I cannot see.
And I cannot see, just yet,
what I am doing to
myself.

In search of happiness,
I lose myself.
I cannot find what I am
looking for because I
do not know what I am
looking for.

There is no search and find.
It is only search and
search and
search.

In search of happiness,
I call out to myself.
I want help. I want help.
Help is what I want.

I am tired. I am tired.
I am too tired to be happy.
I am too tired to be helped.
At first.

In search of happiness,
I find myself.
I am what I have been
looking for.

I come home again to a
place in me where All
is well.

I come home again to
a part of me that is All
of me.

I am no longer searching,
and I can see.
I can see.

Good Morning America! - 5 Ways to Be Happy NOW

2009-06-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

I have just got back from my interview on Good Morning America with THE Diane Sawyer. The Interview was a JOY to do, and they have already posted the clip online: BE HAPPY - RELEASE THE POWER OF HAPPINESS IN YOU.

The lovely thing was - my wife, Hollie and my daughter, Bo got to be in the studio while we did the live recording! And so too was Ian Lynch, the Happiness Project Office Manager, whose birthday it is today. Happy Birthday Ian!

Bo Holden: Shall We Have Some Fun Today?

2009-05-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter, Bo, has recently celebrated her second birthday. As you can see by the picture of her, she is all grown up now.

Recently, Bo has taken to waking me up each morning with a little question that she whispers ever so sweetly into my ear. The question is, Daddy, shall we have some fun today?

What an invitation.

It’s the way Bo says it that really gets me. She makes it sound so appealing. How can I say “No” to her?

Having fun is Bo’s greatest priority. To her, that’s what life is for. On waking, she chooses fun. This choice is entirely spontaneous. Nothing has to happen first before she chooses fun. She doesn’t check to see if it’s the weekend; she doesn’t look outside to see what the weather is like; she doesn’t go online to check the Dow Jones index; she doesn’t look up her credit rating; and she doesn’t check her blood pressure first.

Bo’s decision to enjoy her day appears to be entirely unassisted. For example, she doesn’t meditate first, and then choose fun; she doesn’t do an affirmation, and then choose fun; she doesn’t drink a shot of wheatgrass or espresso, and then choose fun. She doesn’t wait for the day to go well before she decides to enjoy it. Bo simply enjoys herself.

And we can do the same.

In my book Be Happy I ask you to consider the question: what sort of a day have you decided to have today? Are you conscious of what you decided? Indeed, can you find the place in your mind where you have decided already how good today will be?

In every moment there is a choice.

And it is never too late to change your mind and enjoy yourself more.

Interview: Be Happy for KUSI San Diego TV

2009-05-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks I have been travelling across America giving talks, workshops, and interviews on my latest book, Be Happy. Some of my personal highlights include visits to the I Can Do It! Conference in San Diego, the Unity Church in Houston, and Kripalu in Massachusetts.

Happiness is an important subject to us all, and this is especially true now in these difficult economic times. Media interest in my work has been very high. Attendances for my talks and workshops on Be Happy have been healthy. And on the day of its launch, Be Happy went straight into the top 100 on Amazon.

The recession is causing us to rethink our life. In particular, it is making us think what true happiness is, what blocks our happiness, and also what can help us to enjoy greater happiness. To see another recent TV interview I did for KUSI TV in San Diego, click here.

Robert Norton: By the Seashore

2009-05-15T07:28:00.001-07:00

One of my greatest joys is to celebrate the successes of my friends, especially when their successes bring so much joy and inspiration to others. On that note, I want to tell you about Robert Norton.

Robert Norton is a gifted musician. He recently discovered that one of his tracks, called By the Seashore, from his album Painting the Ocean, is featured on a You Tube video called The Wave that has now been viewed over 380,000 times. To acknowledge this, Robert has made the track available as a free download at his website www.robertnortonmusic.com

My friendship with Robert goes back a long way. Robert has played live on my 8-week happiness course for the last ten years. Some of his albums, likeFollow Your Joy and Accepting Yourself, feature music that was recorded on these events. When I write my books, and when I sit to meditate, I often play Robert’s songs. His music helps me in my own creative journey.

Most recently, Robert has provided music for my Be Happy Online 8-week course, hosted by Hay House. Robert has generously made these tracks available for a free download atwww.robertnortonmusic.com For further information about Robert’s workshops and concerts you can also visit www.creative-journeys.co.uk